Friday, December 31, 2010

DIAMOND LENS

Thursday, December 30, 2010

REASONS TO MOVE

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

LOST AND FOUND IN KIEN GIANG- 2

As the plan went wrong, she pushed herself further, well, involving into 2 other trips. At a time, she, along with her 2 brothers, their 2 wives made a secret one for themselves. When she asked me, I calmly explained I had to stay for my Mom. That was what I found myself who I was, what I really wanted to do no matter how the trip would harm me and no matter what my Mom would think about it.
Thanks Goodness. All was over peacefully. Once she told me how sorry she felt as she started getting on board. Being in Kien Giang gave me a chance to understand more about life about her love and a lot more valuable lessons that the teachers at school could not teach.
My God mother’s advice proved itself right once more. I tried to tell her what had happened to me and she appreciated so much. That is what love is for, what we live for. Making those whom we love happy means making ourselves happy too, doesn’t it? Living a full life no matter what would come how it would hurt us means making the biggest achiement in our lives.
As time went by, her spirit seemed to calm down and she went back home feeling bored again. My God mother asked her to come here to visit me several times. Not until had she hurt my feeling shouting at me for what was not really essential, I wrote her a letter to say good bye in Apr 1983 to end a chapter in my life autobiography book.
My youner brother after being released from the prison made a trip in Jun 1982.He and my sister asked me to go along. They seemed to forget why I had decided to come here. After they had left, I got married to a lady whom I believed would help me care for my Mom. After I had worked for 2 companies, working 3 part time jobs, I put all my heart on my English lessons I took from an evening class. With an excellence- graded A level certificate, I was asked to become a teacher at the center. I went on making my teaching English better. I got a bachelor of English in 1999. My wife and I have got 2 children. We have given my blood mother whatever she had wished for. What I got here was just like what an one-eyed man could get in a world of the blind.
I didn’t learn any lessons about life neither at NLS Can Tho nor Bao Loc. But I did learn and gain a great deal from living in Kien Giang, making my life better with my own effort. What I lost and found was simple but meaningful in some way and that would make my life worth telling.
Could you imagine that?

Rach Gia Jul, 2010
Luong Ngoc Thanh

LOST AND FOUND IN KIEN GIANG

LOST AND FOUND IN KIEN GIANG
Thirty years ago, Apr 1980, I left HCMC for KG with almost nothing except my skill of playing football, a university diploma and a dream of making my Mom happy. What I have lost and found here was preferably not much so would what I lose and find.
Since I got there, my life style changed to be suitable to the surrounding, I have lost a big thing but that marked in one chapter of my life that: “Everything can be changed”.
I found myself adjustable so fast that I could win a lot of my co-workers’ hearts. I learned from them the reality that life was much different from what I thought it would be. As I performed rather well in some first football games, I also made the football fans there pleased and I found a way to train myself. I only went to work in the morning and the other half of the day was for my practicing football. I was given a deserted unfurnished house not far from work to live and that was the first thing ever deeply pleased my Mom- who had lelf Can Tho for Rach Gia to stay away from my younger brother who, as a drug dealer, had broken her heart and, of course, that was also the first thing to warm my heart. It seemed almost too obvious to say that my God mother’s advice was worthy.
Five months after that, I had a visitor, Nhu Ngoc, my fiancé as well as my God mother’s daughter. What she needed was what I could offer and what she showed people there was good for me. Her police’s permission showed that she was assured to be here to visit me- her official- husband- to be.
A week later, I set up my first business ever- selling soy bean milk in the evening. I managed everything but she helped me serve the customers and we actually earned a living, a reputation and simple happiness of being independent. We knew how to spend on every cent we had made and how happily we spent our golden nights and days being together, planning a simple life ahead. And every morning she gave me some cents for breakfast then waved me good bye as nicely as any good wife did. Once, she told me that she was happier than she had ever been despite the fact that she, born to a middle- class, a rather weathy family, used to only think of studying, living abroad and used to escape many times since 1975.
Although we had been in bed together for over one year, we had more freedom to enjoy our bed time but unbelievably, I kept her virginity.
Saturday evening or Sunday morning, I followed her to church. Once, after the church, we went to a coffee shop. Getting my order of 2 hot cups coffee, a shop assistant brought them to our table with a smile on his face. He asked if Nhu Ngoc was from Sai Gon and directly he told her that no young ladies from SG could have such a cup of back coffee like that. I found that she wanted to deserve me- a poor young guy having a poor back ground, just moving to a strange place where people were having strange life styles. We left the coffee shop with our different feelings which each of us grew a bit better our respect to each other and which could be counted as the second thing I found here and in her love for me. Who could say that women would not be changed softly naturally unexpectedly and also nicely?
I felt as if we had been a real marriage couple until one thing came up suddenly. A rather calm co-worker of mine asked me if I could keep three teenagers, his customers, for a few days while he was waiting for his brother-in-law’s trip to go overseas. To believe it or not, he asked me if I was interested. I wasn’t for sure but Nhu Ngoc was. She took it seriously enough and she rushed home to inform the family as well as ask someone to join her promising trip. I found that she was so realistic that she could ignore how much she would hurt me and how much damage that would be to me. I felt like a husband who had to send his wife abroad for some vulnerable reasons for her own wish no matter how he would feel.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Monday, December 27, 2010

VISITING MOM-2

Along the road was the river leading to HaTien. From Rach Gia, there came a bridge for each of 3-5 kilometer- distance- the number one bridge- the number two bridge. By asking, I got to know that Quan Thong canal was about two third from the number three bridge to the number four bridge- Soc Soai market. Facing Long Xuyen province were small canals, one edge heading to the sea where the poor Cambodian households settled down doing farming, the other heading to the Delta area.
It passed the second bridge rather hard. Going down the slope, it ran much faster. Passing through the empty My Lam market, it stopped at its station after a while. They one by one got out of the Lam not saying good bye not thank you. After getting out of it without a rain coat nor a hat not mentioning the rain drops clashing onto my childish face, I asked the driver, getting cold in his wet jacket.
“How far is it to Quan Thong canal?”
“About 9 kilometers.”
“9 kilometers? Is there anyway to get there, Uncle?”
“As it is dry, you can ask a boat for a ride. But in this kind of rain, there’s no way out.”
He seemed to be doubtful so he asked me in a low voice,
“How come you are here alone?”
“From Sai Gon, I come to visit my Mom at Quan Thong canal, across the river.”
“I have thought you have been here on … Why didn’t you take a night off in Rach Gia? It’s scary to get there at the time. Spend a night at my house, not far from here. Catch an early boat first thing in the morning.”
I had a feeling that my Mom, by an oil-lamp, had been waiting for me. I knew she would stay up all night waiting for me. So if I had not come that night, she would have aged several years, half of hair turning grey. I politely said good night denying the kind driver’s offer. Despite the heavy rain, I stepped ahead.
On the two sides of the road, there were the thatched cottages closed. The light of oil-lamps was as dim as the elderly’s health. I unsteadily stepped on a pitted road with boulders, holes full of water. I was like walking on the road but as it seemed, I was sometimes like wading in shallow pools of water. The leather shoes my grand pa gave me, one his heirloom, turned into a proof of my unique trip. I had a feeling that they became one size bigger, with the soaked leather. The wet backbag I was carrying became as light as I just passed a section of the trip. After a few first kilometers, I passed by a cluster of bamboo trees where it was so dark that I could imagine anything worst or ghostly. Whenever there were lightnings, they seemed to be signs, urges or warnings to recall me. Any bad guy could rush out from the middle of somewhere, grasping my hand, pulling me to a small boat then he rowed it to an empty strange place as a drammatical kidnap. In interesting detail was that there was noone could pay for the ransom. If searching carefulling everywhere on my body, the kidnapper could not get an amount for a cheapest pack of cigarettes.
It was as if I were electrocuted as I were struck by lightning. I suddenly wanted to rushed ahead as I heard a clanging sound coming from
an coming motorized sampan nearby.
“Is anybody there? Give me a lift. Help me.” Or as poor as I may be,
“Give me a lift. I am on my way to visit my Mom at Quan Thong canal. I am not a bad guy. Please, help me.”
Poor me?! There came a loud lightning downing my calling for help. There came next the start of the engine boat leaving me alone in rain and in completely dark. I asked myself,
“Haven’t I been left for a long time?”. “Haven’t I come over a lot of difficulties for 4 years with a small amount of scholarship but a big trouble?
“If a soldier could survive in a jungle for some time before being caught, So could I before coming to my Mom’s.”
As having been made stronger, I felt as if I were injected a magical tonic. I felt like I were 5 years younger. I wanted to run fast to the dam canal shouting,
“Mom, I am coming. I am coming.”
At the edge of the canal, instead of asking for a ride across the river, I wanted to jump into the water, swim fast, holding my Mom and cry like rain.
We both would stand still saying nothing to each other.
Passing the third bridge, I was still alone on the way. The local people’s houses seemed scatered. Kien Hao canal headed toward the mainland on my right hand side. On the opposite side it headed toward the sea. Not many houses lay by the river making the view clearer. I did not feel hungry nor tired. The feeling of coming home seeing my Mom made me forget everything. I was as physically stable as a marathon athlete. I knew my shoes were going to be broken into pieces. I knew there was someone chasing me. I imagined my Mom was waiting for my calling. I passed a section of 3 kilometers as someone just strolled in a park. When seeing the group of cottages one by one on the other side of the river, I recognized it would be that. I walked fast as if a ghost were following me. Suddenly, I shouted loud- a loud shout of help at the mid night,
“Ms. Sixth! Ms. Sixth!”
The door of a cottage in front of me just moved leading a half-hearted voice asking me,
“Who is asking for her at the time?”
“Yes, Yes, that’s me, her son. Take me there. I come so late. Please.”
With a palm- leaf- made conical hat hiding her face, a lady, seemingly to have been told to pick me up many times, not saying a word nor asking me anything, stepped carefully down onto a small sampan tied near the cottage getting ready to take me there.
I stepped down quicky feeling gladly easy like a soldier or an escaping prisoner was lead to his desired destination. Around two third of the trip, in such that rainy dark night, I suddenly cried out,
“Mom, Mom, I’m coming.”
It sounded like that of a lost young bird calling for his Mom in the nest. Noone has ever heard or imitated.

Rach Gia Nov 12,10
Thanh Luong

VISITING MOM

VISITING MOM
Those having Moms must visit them. I was away from mine for 4 years. While visiting her, I had a trip that nobody could imagine.
Once my sister from the new economic zone- Long Dat passed by my Technical Educational University to pay me a visit. She told me where our Mom had been living, the join section of Quan Thong canal, Sos Soai, Hon dat district, Kien Giang province where I promised to come just right after my graduation. Being accepted from Sep 1975, I swore to be on my own not to be affected by the family matters and not to see my Mom till my graduation. While waiting for the university’s decision, I asked the dormitory superintendant for a permission to see my blood mom Sep 12, 1979.
At around 4 o’clock, at the Western bus station, I had to be on line for a Rach Gia ticket. With so many small bridges, so many big holes and 2 over-loaded ferries made the trip so much longer than a desire of a normal son visiting mom like me. I arrived at Rach Gia bus station at 4:30 PM. Knowing there was no boat left, I caught a carriage to the Lam station. Waiting for some late coming passensers, the driver hoped for some extra money. I wished to have that amount to offer him to urge him to start earlier.
Outside, It was going to rain cats and dogs while inside I felt a big concern. If I had not found my Mom’s house that night, I would have been considered a bad guy, an escaping prisoner.
The Lam made me feel more miserable that evening. It ran unsmoothly as a sicked chicken, a drunk- driver. It down poured as a water fall did in a rainny season. There were no single souls nor things seen one on both sides of the road. The weak oil lamp- lights reaching out the ignoring doors of palm- made cabins made it more scary. There were 7 on the Lam. They got used to it but it was the most terrifying situation I had ever been in. The sounds of the engine the lightnings and the heavy rain drops clashing on the top of the Lam, the whistling wind through the windows and the uneven beats of my heart created the most haunting symphony ever heard in the world of music. To keep myself calm, I imagined what my Mom was doing at the moment. She probably sat by an openned- oven, in a no-window, no- room unfurnished cabin. She would probably lie sighing on a bed made of chopped bamboo sticks with a mattress made of grass, with 4- piece of chopped wood- legs, which rarely had young painters been able to paint. I wished I would be travelling on a 52- seat bus on the 20th national road. I wished there would be a magical power to push the slow old lobby Lam fast forward immediately. A passenger asked to get off the Lam reducing the weight but increasing my worry. Another on the road could stop the Lam but he would also be the one to ask me in a hard voice,
“How come you are here at the time? Going overseas?”

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS OF

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

THU THUY- cont

We two went fast toward Hoa Binh boulevard, leaving Thong behind with some white burning smoke. Just passing the corner, heading the one-way road, I stepped quicky on the brake making the back wheel slide on the dusty layer on the road turning round the scuter. Tri watching me laughed in great fun,
“How professional you are! If I were a girl, I would be crazy about you.”
“If you were a girl, I woud be a monk. Who would love a toothless one like you.”
Tri, laughing funnily, closing his eyes, didn’t want to give up,
“Who would love a tree-like slim and small-eyed guy like you?”
Feeling so embarrassed, I rushed the opposite way while Thong was coming toward me. We both tried our best not to crash into each other and I went on going straight as I had just seen her there. Among the white ao dai, my silver crane was glowing. She stood there waiting for me, giving me a fresh smile as if she had turned me into a worse driver, a body guard going round his client looking at someone on the empty street. Somehow, I felt calm enough to look at her bagde quickly. A leather school bag she was holding in front of her chest hid a half of the badge. I still could read the two last words, Thu Thuy and it seemed like she introduced herself that way. Tri’s engine sound made me rather startle. I tried to ignore it. Tri appeared in time to help fill a gap of a shock. I asked him,
“Hey, guy! Where is Thong?”
“He’s heading to Tham Tuong bridge. Hey, I saw her smiling at you again, Thanh!”
I bit around the bush very nicely,
“Still angry with me?”
“Having stood there and waiting for you could be said being angry.”
“I meant to ask about Thong, didn’t I?”Who cares?”
We both did not mention the school boys in white and blue walking on the side walks nor the white cranes standing in front of Doan Thi Diem school. We had our own ways, our riding round ways of the peculiar at the age of walking home from school with school bags.
That afternoon, Ngo Quyen st. was crowded with school girls and boys. But unlike on the other days, I knew today among the girls there was one watching me to give me a smile. And unlike what I had done everyday, I, confidentally, bravely lost my way in the crowd looking for my Thu Thuy who smiled only at me turning me into a poor fool.
I was given a memorable zero by history teacher- Mr. Luc but I was also given a 20- one time in my whole schooling life by math teacher- Mr. Phi. Now I was making another record – getting another smile from my Thu Thuy. I had no way out rather than riding in the crowd- fighting a losing battle- keeping track of her with my instinct and good luck. Reaching Hoa Binh boulevard, I made my way rightward quickly, taking a deep breath to keep myself calm. The less the pedestrians, the relaxed I felt in my heart. The round I took became shorter and smoother. At Minh Mang joint section I had to slow down to give way to the students stepping on the zebra crossing. The afternoon sunlight was shining weakly. In the middle of somewhere, there came a sudden sweet call of my name,
“Thanh! Have you recognized me?”
A sudden flow of blood came out from my heart. My whole body was heated as if I were pushed toward the incenerator. My scuter seemed tobe dead so did I. There she was in front of me smiling so sweetly as me. I smiled back then turn into a dam poor guy knowing nothing else to do. In a moment, the whole world was stopped moving. We both were transformed into two statues facing each other just smiling. The boulevard was also transformed into a great lawn with flowers on the sliding slope in a quite corner of the sky. Our physical distance became shorter than ever. I was withdrawn into a power whirl but nobody saw. I was hypnotized to stand still in the middle the road. The little girl, Thu Thuy, changed herself to be a witch as the smiling girl did to be an angel. We were divined flying into the air as a heavenly ambassador to read a message for the love of God,
“Human beings should love giving hands. The youth should have dreams, hungers.”
During a few following months, every day I rode round and round Ngo Quyen and Hoa Binh boulevard before school and after school time to see Thu Thuy to have her smile at me. Everything was gone through so was the innocence or turborn. I got rid of the riding group. I joined a basket ball team then I would go to Can Tho Agricultural high school and transfer to Bao Loc one and I just cared for how to make it no longer how to make Thu Thuy smile at me.

THU THUY

THU THỦY

It was rarely to see a high school boy to ride a Honda SS 67 to school and so was it to witness an ugly- looking guy like me to have a school girl- Tran Thi Thu Thuy- a six grader at Doan Thi Diem Can Tho- smile at while I was riding pass or in front of her.
My sister had insited to get that second- hand scuter from Uncle Thuc- an old family friend. After a few months riding, getting bored of the unsuitable stuff, she covered it with a blanket 2 months before I became a six grader at Phan Thanh Gian High school.
Fortunately, I practiced riding by myself and never did I fall down or make any dents. One night, I rode it to pick my Mom- working night shift. Having a ride behind me, my Mom witnessed the way I rode it and she believed what she was seeing. The very next morning I got another chance to take her to work. After two- time riding it safe and sound, I was given a license by non-verbally. Ow, I had another good luck as my sister never got envious or offended. I wondered somehow if it was her way to get rid of the responsibility to pick Mom from work. Anyway, it was a way to help me win my Thu Thuy’s heart.
Among 47 classmates of my 6- A1 class, I was rather special, slim, riding Honda SS 67. Van Thanh Thong, medium-build, a son of a big fabric store, rode a Honda SS 66. Tran Huu Tri, toothless, a son of a military father, rode a Sash. Three of us were as famous as “The three Imperial guards”. Our group of three had three different riding ways, three personalities but we had the same entertaining way- riding around before school and after school time. Tri performed it like a circus rider. Thong did it gently skillfully. I, while feeling so excited, made the front wheel lift up high or made a 180-degree-turn round. We, three- sixth graders, riding scuters to school, made others watch, commend, envy, or even scold. Among them I recognized only a neighboring school girl having some interesting things in common. My heart beat was roared up while I saw her smiling at me. At that moment, I wished I were King. I wished my scuter were a great horse having two swings to ride her up to the blue sky. I wished I had her hold me the way Quang was holding Thong. I wished our two schools had opened earlier so I would ride more rounds and she would stand there longer smiling at me more. I wished suddenly the other two had disappeared leaving me alone on my own way. But I still wanted to have them beside me to escore us while she got on my back seat making her other beautiful schoolmates desire.
“Hey, Thanh, she is smiling at you?”
The toothless Tri, pulling past me, excitingly cried out to my ears.
I smiled feeling proud,
“Who else?”
“You’re really cool. Hey, off we go.”
(to be continued)

Friday, December 3, 2010